Change Your Thoughts, Change Your Life: Meet Esther Shpitalnik, Founder of ESteem Coaching

By Emily Merrell 

We all know that thoughts are powerful, but did you know that changing your thoughts could change your life? Meet Esther Shpitalnik who helps high EQ individuals change their lives by changing their thoughts. That means cutting out rumination, indecision and negative self talk, while focusing on the thoughts that matter. Learn more how Esther helps her clients and her journey to becoming a Success Coach. 

SDS: Can you walk us through who you are, what you do and your journey to entrepreneurship?

ESTHER SHPITALNIK: I am an attorney turned Personal Success Coach. (It’s amazing that “who I am” can be summed up in one short sentence.)

As an immigrant to America in the late 80s, I checked all the boxes of the American Dream. College degree (check). Law school (check). High-powered and cool-sounding jobs (check). My immigrant family was elated! 

However, I wasn’t. I had the prestige, I did the hard things, but I didn’t feel fulfilled. 

Enter the pandemic. After being laid off from my secure, well-paying lawyer job, I had a visceral reaction to going back to the corporate world. As a new mom to two kids under 3-years-old, I started questioning what my version of success really looked like. 

So I took action. First, I changed my {limiting} thoughts. Then, I changed my life. I took all the experience I had coaching, advising, and consulting people, and launched my coaching business. When the clients started rolling in, I knew I had found that taste and purpose of success. 

As for my journey to “entrepreneurship”, I never really had that entrepreneurial spirit. Even as a kid, it was my sister who always planned and organized the lemonade stands. I was just there for the fun parts, talking to people and making money! I guess maybe some things don’t change.

SDS: As a success coach for High EQ individuals, what does success mean to you and to your clients? 

ES: If you were to ask me and every one of my clients this question, (“What does success mean to me?”), you might get 100 different answers. Retire early. Financial freedom. Travel. High-powered job. Slender body. A closet full of Tod’s loafers in different colors (that’s me!) But when I really dig deep with my clients and ask what do you REALLY want, i.e., what does success feel and look like? I generally get the same two answers: BE MYSELF and BE FULFILLED. 

So while the tangibles are important, because I believe that success is the tangible manifestations of our dreams, they aren’t what defines success. Success means being authentically you and being fulfilled by what you do. The tangibles are simply a physical marker of that achievement.

SDS: You teach people how to change their thoughts and lives, how do you go about doing that? 

ES: First, let me explain this concept. Our thoughts create our results. Everything we have in our life is a direct result of our thoughts, of what we THINK*. The thoughts we think drive our actions which drive our results. Thoughts -> Actions  -> Results or (T –> A –> R). This is not a new concept: many philosophers, psychologists, and self-help gurus discuss this, ranging from Louise Hay, to Brooke Castillo, to the Cognitive Behavior Therapy (CBT) method.

Now that we know that our thoughts create our life, we can look at how we go about changing our thoughts in 3 steps:

1. Recognize our thoughts

2. Choose our thoughts

3. Practice / believe our thoughts

The first step is to recognize our thoughts. How do we do that? I know this is going to sound cyclical, but we start recognizing our thoughts by starting to notice our thoughts. I ask my clients questions like: “What was the thought you had when you made X decision?” Very rarely do we actually stop and notice the thoughts we are thinking, even though we have hundreds of thousands of thoughts throughout the day!

Once we start recognizing our thoughts, we start seeing how that thought drives our actions, which drives our results (T –> A –> R). So the next step is to choose which thought we want to have. We do this by working backwards and asking the following three questions:.

• What RESULT(s) do you want to have?
• What ACTION(s) will lead to this result?
• What THOUGHT(s) do you need to have that will drive these actions?

The third step is to practice this thought until you believe it to be true. This is the hardest part. Practice the thought by writing it down, saying it out loud, recognizing the limiting thoughts that don’t serve you and actually replacing those thoughts with your new thought. Because this is the hardest part, I say to all my clients: I will hold this belief for you until you believe it to be true.

(*Allow a caveat here — I am not talking about events or circumstances out of our control, such as economic downturn, the pandemic, trauma as children, etc. Those are circumstances completely out of our control.)

SDS: What’s the most surprising thing about being a coach? What’s delighted you the most since you’ve started? 

ES: The most surprising thing about being a coach is how much I absolutely love coaching and how good at it I am. That may sound a little braggadocious, but I know in my core it’s what I was put on this Earth to do (and that may sound a little cliche!) There have been moments while I’ve been coaching a client where I’ve had almost out-of-body experiences – it felt like a direct channel from God to me and out of my mouth. And the results my clients have had through coaching…wow, those have been the BEST part of coaching. When a client tells me how coaching has changed their life, I still pinch myself and can’t believe I get paid to do this. It’s an indescribable feeling.

SDS: What advice do you have for individuals seeking to transform their lives? 

ES: Two pieces of advice:

1. Give yourself some grace. It’s really hard work to transform your life, and boy is it worth it. So while you’re doing the really hard work, give yourself some grace.

2. Don’t go at it alone. Work with a coach. Working with a coach has made all the difference in the world in my own success journey, and I could not have done it without one. All the best have coaches. Tom Brady has a coach (several, actually), and even Tony Robbins has a coach. My recommendation is to talk to a few different coaches to see with whom you “click”. Most coaches offer free consultations or free coaching sessions to see if you’re a good match. You can book a free 30-minute coaching session with me to see if we’re a good fit.

SDS: Lastly, what are some exciting things coming up in your life and business? 

ES: I have had a very busy year so far, juggling being a mama to two kids under 3-years-old while maintaining my business (and my sanity!), so I would say the most exciting thing coming up in my life and business is continuing to do my own thought work on how to navigate this season in my life. 

Also, the second season of my podcast is coming out soon: Coach’s Corner: A Success Mindset! You can learn more about ESteem Coaching and connect with me on Instagram (@esteemcoaching) and LinkedIn.