Emily Merrell 00:00
Hey, my name is Emily Merrell. I’m a taco loving people connector. And I’m obsessed with playing the name game and all things networking. I’m the founder of secondary society, a female focus networking community, as well as a business coach for female business owners passionate about bringing their business to the next level with the help of events, community and connections. I crave deep conversations, and I’m continuously curious to see what makes people tick. And I’m invested in uncovering their stories with some life lessons along the way. This podcast is aimed to inspire and educate as you tackle your busy day. So join the conversation and tune in for the second degree podcast. I’m your host, Emily Merrell. And today I am so excited to have my friend Corey wasteland. She is an executive functioning coach, and an overall phenomenal human being who I think just coaches us on life every single time I see you. So coach, Coach Corey, welcome to the show.
Corie Wightlin 01:04
Thanks, Emily. I’m so so so excited to be here.
Emily Merrell 01:09
Any opportunity, I have the chance to talk to you it’s like, my day feels like a big sigh like a this is a special, special moment in time. So we’re I feel the same
01:21
today.
Emily Merrell 01:23
And can we talk about how you found us? And like, I think that’s a fun story in terms of podcasting before we dive into you. Yeah, I
Corie Wightlin 01:31
found you. And Lexie from a podcast that you guys and it was your very first one like right when you released it? Yes. And I don’t even know. I honestly like it was like the universe or the algorithm just knew I needed to find you because it just kind of popped up and I listened. And I was like, these are the two coolest, most adorable girls ever. And I need to know them. And I just started listening to your podcast. And then I got the courage up to reach out to work with you and to connect with you. And then the rest is history. So love your podcasts.
Emily Merrell 02:11
We do shout shout outs on the ReadySet. Coach podcast. Do you wait, wait a lot, actually. That’s amazing. And I think that’s just such a cool story too, in terms of thinking of sometimes when you’re posting or you’re doing something you feel like no one’s paying attention. And you have no idea when that next client or dream life friend is going to enter your life. So I always love I love when the universe works in our favor. So Cory, tell us about you, you said that you are an executive functioning coach. And before, before I met you, I knew what executive function functioning kind of was. But for our listeners, can you can you define and describe what executive functioning means?
Corie Wightlin 02:58
Yes, so most people when I say that think I might like I coach executives, which is I can coach executives, but I am definitely not an executive like forward person. So executive functioning are the set of skills that actually are housed in our prefrontal cortex of our brain. So it’s the part of our brain that’s right in the front. And really what makes us human. And they’re the set of skills that help us with time management, organization prioritization, motivation, emotional regulation, they help us just kind of be functioning humans in the world. And most people have pretty strong executive functioning, and they can go throughout their day, and they can regulate their emotions, and they can do their to do lists. But some folks are in our living in executive dysfunction. So they might be neurodiverse. And they might have ADHD or on the autism spectrum, or high levels of anxiety, they might be in a big life transition. So a lot of people that have had a death or big job change are going through a divorce, or really in sleep deprivation. Parents who have little, usually or an executive dysfunction, because we’re just trying to get through the day at that point in our lives. So there’s lots of different reasons your brain can be not prioritizing those day to day functions and, and just having a hard time with it so I can step in and help those people.
Emily Merrell 04:30
I think it’s incredible. I just came up with a business while you were talking, thinking about like executive assistants for executive functioning. I love it. I love it. Yeah, well take your messy brain and we will organize it. Yes. But no, I think okay, so you said executive functioning. And you also mentioned neurodiverse and you then mentioned a bunch of autism or anxiety and ADHD. So So I want to break that down a little bit for people that aren’t familiar with what neuro divergent means. Can you? Can you give us a little bit of terminology 101? Yeah, so
Corie Wightlin 05:11
neuro diversity is a medical diagnosis and more and more folks are getting self or self diagnosing. And I feel like that’s very valid and specially for women and or people of color, because those communities tend to be overlooked when it comes to neurodiversity. So that’s kind of a side note, but it’s a medical diagnosis of the brain working in a different way processing information, putting out information in a different way than what we would call a neurotypical brain. So some of the umbrella of neurodiversity is ADHD. So it’s no longer a DD and ADHD, it’s ATD, ADHD, inattentive, hyperactive, or combination. It’s generalized anxiety disorder. So not just like a good anxiety when I have to like go see my mother in law, it’s like, it’s like a medical condition, right? You Your brain is wired, anxiously. Autism, the autism spectrum disorder. Dyslexia is under neurodiversity. So it’s its ways, it just means that the brain processes information in a way that the rest of the world maybe doesn’t understand or is built for. And
Emily Merrell 06:27
to your point, I do feel like every, every conversation I’ve had recently, I went from not really understanding or knowing that term to having people be self diagnosed, or say, I think I’m not neurodiverse or I think I have ADHD, or I think, you know, a lot of that that terminology and understanding has has made its way into the forefront of society where people are well, before if we’re like, oh, add, there’s that kid that’s disruptive during class, he must have add that was was Ritalin. That’s it.
Corie Wightlin 07:01
Exactly. And the highest growing population of diagnosis right now is when middle aged women. Yeah, so I do. It’s like, so overlooked as kids, women tend to people that are assigned female at birth tend to be more inattentive, which looks like daydreaming, or in another world, or Oh, so a lot of times you hear like, oh, they don’t live up to their potential, or they’re just lazy, or they’re just always in LA, LA land, or, Oh, she’s just such a mess, she can never remember anything. And then it builds so much same. And so much of this like failure feedback loop of like, you can’t do it, you can’t do it, you can’t do it, everyone else around you has their stuff together, and you doubt. And then you get in like your 30s or 40s. And you get this diagnosis, and so many people are like, Oh my gosh, so you mean all this time, I felt like I was spinning my wheels. And it really was my brain was working differently. And I think that’s can be really, really, really powerful for so many people.
Emily Merrell 08:08
So what do you what happens in that kind of scenario, when someone gets the diagnosis? Is it more of a justification? Or is it a thing? Life some something is put into action into motion?
Corie Wightlin 08:24
Yes. So it kind of depends on how old the person is right? Or what their what their life circumstances for kids. I’m a huge, huge, huge proponent of getting diagnosis, because that is where we get the resources, right, that is where you can get the resources in schools. That’s where you can get resources through regional centers. I don’t see it as a label, I see it as an empowerment of helping your child or helping your student get the support that they need, so that they can be as successful as possible. And adults, it’s a little bit different. Right? So it depends. What I think is one is that justification and that realization that there’s not something wrong, right? And that it’s it is something that you can feel empowered to take agency over, you can do something about it. It’s not just like, Oh, I’m just a messy person I can never find Mickey’s Oh, well, right. And so it helps, I think it helps you have a name. And then you have a community of this built in community of other people who are going through the same thing, have the same thoughts, lose their keys, forget appointments, and so you don’t feel so alone. And I think when you don’t feel so alone, it’s easier than to seek out support like by someone like me, or a therapist or get on meds so that you can feel like okay, I can get my feet under me. I saw like a really funny meme that said, figuring out you have ADHD as an adult is is like you’ve played Mario Kart your whole life and you’re just really bad at it and then you realize you have like 500 times the banana peels as everyone else. So you’re not actually bad at it, you’re just trying to like go around all the banana peels all the time. And so it helps you not have so many banana peels, right, it helps you figure out how to how to not have so many in your life,
Emily Merrell 10:14
how to clear the banana peels from from the roadway. So what does it entail to work with an executive functioning? Coach? And can we walk through some examples of how you’ve transformed your clients lives? Sure.
Corie Wightlin 10:29
So, you know, my most popular and kind of my go to for folks, is we work together for 12 weeks. And why I choose 12 weeks is kind of through a little bit of trial and error and working with different people in different times. And what I found is it takes about six weeks for someone in executive dysfunction to start to build habits. So you know, you hear a lot about like 21 days, not if you have ADHD or some other challenge. It’s about six weeks. So we spend those first six weeks just figuring out what’s going to work for you. So when people come to me, they asked me like, well, what am I going to do? And I always say like, I don’t know, we’ll figure it out. Because all brains are different, right? But especially neurodiverse brains, every single one is individual and every single one every single person has their own motivation, their own challenges, their own boundaries, their their own core values, right? So we get to kind of play with those like a puzzle piece and figure out what’s going to work for them. So we spend those first six weeks doing that. And then the second six weeks, solidifying those tools and those routines. So my goal is that they’re the 12 sessions, they leave with this beautiful bespoke toolbox that they can always go back to. So even if they get off track, or they fall into old habits, they always can go back to it and be like, Okay, this is what worked for me. And so during those 12 weeks, I’m also available, I have an app that I use that we talk all the time. So I say you’re like I’m in it to win it with you the whole 12 weeks, right? You can, you can send me a message 20 times a day. I can via your accountability, I can be your cheerleader, you can vent to me, we can problem solve. So it really is like very much a container like we are together those 12 sessions. And I think the other thing that’s unique about this is that I understand I come from a place of neurodiversity. I were I’m raising three neurodiverse kids. Well, one of them, I think I’ve raised I don’t know, are you always she’s a grown up now. And so, and I was an educator, I still am an educator that works with neurodiverse families. So I have all of these different perspectives. So when you come to me, my joke is that so many people have gone to people or gone to schools, and they’re like, just use the plan or just use your planner. And it is like I can’t tell you how many planners I have bought. I bought a new one just last week, it’s already I’m already like, over it. Yeah, and so you I understand that right, I’m not gonna just tell you to use a planner, we might figure out that using the notes section of your phone is the best. Or we might figure out that you need a calendar that syncs to all of your devices. Or you might need to like use Alexa for everything. Or you might need sticky notes. Or you might need to have a Google doc where you organize right. So I even worked with clients where we create templates in a Google Doc that are really individualize for exactly what they need. So I understand that there’s not like, one size fits all, there’s not like this cert, you know, this is going to change your life or you do this. And I also understand that it’s really hard. It’s really, really hard when you’re in dysfunction to crawl out of it. So we don’t try to do it all at once. We do a little chunks at a time. And then we build upon that success. So I use the analogy that I’m like the bumpers in the bowling alley. You’re throwing the ball, you’re trying to get those strikes, and I’m there to to kind of keep you in the middle and till you figure out your best way to get as many pins down as possible.
Emily Merrell 14:29
I love that comparison. And she just fun fact, she messaged me the other day when I went bowling, and she saw that I didn’t have bumpers on she was like oh my god, you’re doing it without bumpers. Are you insane?
Corie Wightlin 14:42
It did. You’re a badass
Emily Merrell 14:45
half were in there, the gutter and half for strikes. So I guess I’m a 5050 person so it was fun to watch. I was like what the hell is happening? Why can I be consistent in this? So okay, this is not this is This is so helpful. And I think there’s so many individuals that are conjured to my brain. And I think knowing you, and also knowing about executive functioning, when I see dysfunction, executive dysfunction happen in real time, it’s so frustrating to me, because I see you as a solution. And I know that not everyone has means to pay for someone to help them. So if you know someone, or perhaps you listening are in dysfunction, and you want to get going or get out of it. Do you have any advice for people to start eating the elephant?
Corie Wightlin 15:37
Yes. Which I have to like, on a side note, I feel like there needs to be a better state now. Right? I was talking to a client the other day and I’m vegan and this client was vegan. I’m like, You can’t eat elephant. I am again.
Emily Merrell 15:49
I didn’t know that about you. Did you know is raised vegan and vegetarian? Yeah, not anymore. I moved to Argentina after college. So let’s just say I literally hard I learned, like literally never had meat. And then I tried the steak down there. And I was like, This is insane. So good. So like, but I mostly will not eat this. Yeah, but I’m mostly mostly vegetarian staff. So I yeah,
Corie Wightlin 16:16
I’m mostly I’m mostly vegan. Like I’m not the kind of vegan that if like there’s nothing like, if something has a little cheese on it or something. Good. I can say I’m being I should say I’m vegan adjacent. Yeah,
Emily Merrell 16:28
you are neuro vegan, you’re vegan, diverse. You can diversify like that, I think. Okay, okay. Okay.
Corie Wightlin 16:38
Um, okay to not to start eating the elephant. The first, the very first thing is we have to bring awareness, right? So what I would suggest is literally with as least judgment as possible, you gotta go into your real mindfulness like zen place. Write down for a week, the challenges you have, just write them down. What is triggered you? What did you forget? What did you wish was easier? Right? Like, was there an appointment you forgot? Was? Is your laundry still sitting there from three weeks ago that you haven’t put away? Is? You know, did you do DoorDash, six times this week, even though you have food in the fridge, because it just felt so daunting to make your dinner. Right. So write it all down with as least judgment as possible. And then from there choose choose one category. Right? Do you want to make your mornings easier? Do you want to try to like cook that week? Do you want to try to organize some sort of system for a calendar? And then just, you know, figure out why you want to do it. So you have to do your motivation? Then what is your very first step to do it? What is the very first thing you’re going to do and do that? Then say, Okay, what is your next very first thing, and then do that? So step by step one, one thing that I even have coached clients in who it sounds kind of silly, but even like, responding to an email can feel so overwhelming, and so daunting. So what I suggest is you get a packet of sticky notes, and you write like step one, step two, on each sticky note, like step one, open My Computer, like literally. And then as you do each one, you get to pull that sticky note out and throw it away or put it in a different pile. And there’s just something about those teeny, tiny ups, and then being able to move the sticky notes so that you see oh, wow, you can start to see your accomplishments and start to see that that stack getting smaller and smaller. And then for the ones that are really, really, really hard, like it’s the actual hitting set, or whatever feels the most triggering for you. Right on this sticky note. Your reason why you want to do it, your motivation, what you’re going to get out of doing it, right what’s what’s going to change, and then one way that you can like pump up your dopamine. Do you need to do some jumping jacks before you do you hit sad? Do you need to go get a cup of coffee? Do you need to take three deep breaths? Do you need to like blast your favorite Taylor Swift song? What is it that you need to do in order to hit Zen and pre plan it? Because what happens is when we go to do it, we get in total task paralysis, because our brain is trying to protect us and it’s hertz scary to hit Send for whatever reason. So our brain is like, man, let’s do that later. Or, oh, you know what, you have these other five things you need to do I remember we’re binge watching that show, we should probably go finish that and then we’ll come back to it. And we know we don’t come back to it. So pre planning those three, the why, what what’s going to change when you actually do it, and how you’re going to pump yourself up can be so so so transformative. To get yourself out of those starting blocks.
Emily Merrell 19:55
I like that you you use the sticky notes as an example my Brain went straight to like a Trello board just thinking of the satisfaction of either the checking off the due to dues or like moving it over to like doing to done and see pile so much higher. So if you don’t want to waste sticky notes, you’ll
Corie Wightlin 20:13
know exactly, exactly. I have a client that uses Monday. Yeah, that’s just a Monday and just like, he literally puts in me, like, hey, like, open my get sit on my chair in the morning, open my computer like he and that’s what helps him in the morning get started. Because his mornings were the hardest, like he just couldn’t get out of the starting blocks. So now each morning, he has literally that on his Monday board. Like how I get started? Yeah, exactly. Yeah,
Emily Merrell 20:43
I think I think it sounds silly when you you say it out loud. Because you’re like, Oh, of course, you know, you have to sit in your chair, you have to open your computer. But to your point, like getting started is the hardest thing to do. And I think identifying what needs to be done throughout the course of your day. When I like to use the example of binging your show, you’re like, Yeah, I need to finish it tonight. But is that a high task priority? Where you have great energy at this moment in time? Can you save that for later in the day? So yeah, I think those are those are great. And, you know, if someone has a loved one in their life that definitely needs executive functioning support? Are there any tips that you have for gently supporting them without being their executive functioning? Coach? Yeah,
Corie Wightlin 21:33
well, when it’s hard, especially if it’s someone who lives in our home, or we’re really close to, because we then tend to become their executive functioning. And then we get really resentful, right. And it’s so hard because we’re becoming their executive function, because we want to help them. I see this, a lot of times with parents, a lot of times with partners. And then we get really like annoyed and frustrated because we’re having to do two people’s executive functioning. So the first thing that I would do is I would recognize that this person is probably doing the best they can with the tools they have, right that this person isn’t misplacing their wallet or forgetting to turn their homework and because they’re trying to annoy you, they’re really doing the best they can. I would also then talk to this person with so much gentleness and compassion and empathy. Because another thing, especially if this person has ADHD, probably is highly highly, highly sensitive, highly sensitive, because of the way their brain processes information. It’s called sensitivity, rejection, dysphoria, or, and or highly sensitive because they’ve probably gotten a lot of feedback in their life, that they’re just aren’t doing things, right. So we don’t want to come out of this with like, you have to do this or you should do that. So I would again, going back to choosing like one thing, and then asking them, how can I help you so that you feel more empowered, right? So I’m gonna give an example of my dad. My dad is the most ADHD human on the planet. He’s amazing. We’re super close, big Gemini, but he is the most ADHD person literally on the planet. And he can never find his wallet, or his keys or his phone when it’s time to leave. Like, never. And so I asked him, I’m like, isn’t that so annoying that he’s like, obviously, and he’s like, yelling at my mom, because he thinks she had them. She’s never had them. Right. So I was like, what, like, what do you want to do? And he’s like, I don’t even know. I’ve tried to the bowl. It doesn’t work. I’ve tried, you know. So what we started to do is we made up a song, right? So I we made up a song together about where he’s put the keys in the phone and the wallet. And now when he comes home, he sings the song and when he leaves he sings the song. And it was just like this one simple thing, but we came up with it together right? I didn’t tell him like that you need to have a hook for your keys and you need to always put them there and you need to do this because that wasn’t how his brain works. But he’s super musical. So his brain worked with the song when you please sing the song for us it goes oh my gosh, I’m gonna forget it. No, I forget it. I will I will remember it and then you can put you can like oh, I’ll put it
Emily Merrell 24:19
yeah into the home it’s like my skis and find the phone and
Corie Wightlin 24:27
see these wallets? I’m like, shoulders and cheese well it’s oh not this like where you put a keys all it phone on this keys. He’s gonna listen to this me like how do you not remember? Like, not
Emily Merrell 24:43
because they’re not in the environment for that is really it. My mother has accused so many workers of stealing her jewelry before that it like actually has gotten problematic. She’ll be like, I can’t find my watch. I’m pretty sure the workers who were here took a And then I’m like, let’s retrace our steps. And like, did you put it in a state? It? Did you put it away before workers came. So you didn’t want to keep it out? Like, can we think things through before, and you’ll get into this state of anxiety and anxious and be like, such overwhelm. And so I find myself kind of just being like, okay, let’s like take a breath and like, let’s start from the beginning before we get to the end. And it’s fascinating, though, when you are, I feel like to your point, you’re saying middle aged women are under diagnosed are finding their that they were misdiagnosed. That’s definitely something I see more in like this older generation. So of just like anxiety, scatterbrain feeling like they have to do everything. I also think it comes from this generation. And I’m curious what your thoughts are on this. When the phone would ring like the house phone? You’ve had to get the house phone line? Yes. Even to this day, we’ll be sitting at home having dinner. And the the line the house line. I don’t have a house line, but at her house, she still has the house line. She will like trip over everything to answer the goddamn phone. And I’m like, Mom, who are you expecting? She’s like, I don’t know. It could be something important. Like you have a voicemail and most people who are calling you’re now calling your cell phone. Yeah, are gonna text you or text you or leave you a voicemail like she’ll, she’ll have to pick up every phone that calls her on her cell phone. She’s like, Oh, it’s an unknown number must be important. But like, oh,
Corie Wightlin 26:35
oh my gosh, you’re so right, because it’s the same. Or my mom or dad will see my phone ringing and they’ll be like, your phone is ringing. I’m like, okay,
Emily Merrell 26:45
yeah, I’m talking to you. I’m being present with you right now. Yeah. I mean, it could be like, people who
Corie Wightlin 26:51
I care about, like, who would like really call me for an emergency are all in this home. So my mom, someone will text me, right?
Emily Merrell 26:59
Yeah, exactly. My mom got a business line for her cell phone. And she always miss calls me on that line instead of her line. I’m like, are enough people calling you out of the blue that you really felt like you needed this? And I have to ask her because I think it’s so so funny. It’s just such a generational thing. You’re so
Corie Wightlin 27:22
right, though about that. Right? And then it’s it’s just it’s so ingrained in their neurons, but then transferring it to that you don’t actually have to answer. And I think, you know, especially my kids like, I don’t think they would ever answer a phone.
Emily Merrell 27:38
Like, that’s like the most anxiety ridden thing for them. As a kid, I’d be like, picking it up. The Marisol is how can I help you? Yeah, it’s so funny. Oh, gosh, we could talk about a whole episode about this generation and an anxiety. But, Cory, I want to ask how can people find out more about you work with you learn about your incredible coaching. What’s the best way to get in touch? Yes. So they
Corie Wightlin 28:08
can go to my website, white Lin coaching services.com. I would love for them to follow me on Instagram, I an active Instagrammer. So at wightlink coaching services, I do also what I would love if anybody wanted to connect with me, they can do that through Instagram or through my website to set up a connection call. So I have a free connection call. We can chat about challenges, we can chat about what they’re looking for. I almost always do some coaching on that call as well so we can kind of get to know each other. I do you know, besides that 12 weeks I have a group coaching program. I have a strategy and planning session. So there’s if the 12 weeks seems a little daunting, and not really what you’re ready to dive into. I do have other options as well. Just try to make sure that everyone feels supported. And
Emily Merrell 28:59
I have to say I mean big plug for Cory. She is extraordinary. She’s been through our programs before and working with her both as a client and a coach. We’ve hired her as a coach is just she’s freaking phenomenal. It’s and I I stamp the approval.
Corie Wightlin 29:18
Thank you so much. Well, it’s
Emily Merrell 29:20
an easy one to stamp. Well, Cory I have some six fast questions for you before we wrap up today’s show. Are you ready? Okay,
Corie Wightlin 29:29
I’m ready. I gotta get all comfy. Okay, yeah,
Emily Merrell 29:33
get it all cleared up. Okay, first question is tell us an unknown fun fact about Cory
Corie Wightlin 29:38
a fun fact about me is I was a double college athlete. Swimming and Water Polo. Okay, I
Emily Merrell 29:48
see your daughter’s get got their love of swimming and water polo. This makes more sense. Yeah, who, who would be a dream person to be connected with
Corie Wightlin 29:59
you Oh my gosh, this is so hard. I think right now a dream person to be connected with would be. I’m just gonna say Barack Obama because I feel like it was such a pivotal moment in like our world. And I would love any read so much. And he’s so knowledgeable and I would just love to just pick his brain and see if he can help us find more compassion in the world.
Emily Merrell 30:26
Yes, you come back. Why show are you watching?
Corie Wightlin 30:31
I just finished the Unbreakable Kimmy Schmidt with my 12 year olds. And so now we’re looking for a new one cuz I tell her not old. And I like that’s our thing. We’d like to like binge watch shows.
Emily Merrell 30:45
Have you watched the good place? Yes. I’m rewatching that one? Yeah, that’s a fun.
Corie Wightlin 30:51
Oh, it’s so good. Yes. So I literally we literally just finished it last night. So now we’re
Emily Merrell 30:56
back. You’re on that I something again, keep my eyes open. What book are you reading? Or do you recommend reading?
Corie Wightlin 31:04
I am reading a book called the normal women. And I’m listening to a book called The Maids. And normal women is like really interesting and quirky and weird. So if you if you want something kind of different. I would check it out. Yeah. It’s not like any other book I’ve ever read. Okay,
Emily Merrell 31:27
okay. Oh, god, that’s the list. What is your favorite or most used emoji?
Corie Wightlin 31:35
Definitely this one, like, little hands on your face a hug? Is it a hug?
Emily Merrell 31:40
Yeah. Don’t get how it’s a hug. I think they need to read redo that. But
Corie Wightlin 31:44
I use it for like, I’m so excited. Yeah.
Emily Merrell 31:49
I love it. My final question for you is what permission Do you want to give to our listeners today?
Corie Wightlin 31:56
I want to give their permission to to figure out ways to treat yourself with kindness and a non judgmental way to remember that we’re all human. We all make mistakes, we all mess up. Even if it doesn’t look like that on Instagram or your neighbors or your mom friends or whoever. We all come with struggles every day. So giving yourself that permission to just treat yourself with compassion and kindness like you would a loved one or a good friend.
Emily Merrell 32:26
A man. Well, Cory, thank you so much for being a guest on today’s show is such a pleasure to learn from you.
Corie Wightlin 32:33
Thank you. I loved it. I love talking with you, Emily, thank you. Likewise,
Emily Merrell 32:38
I know we need our launches. And listeners if you liked today’s show, please share with friends give us five stars like it, follow it. And we will see you the next time on the second degree podcast with Emily Merrell. Have a wonderful day everyone.